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  3. Assertive Communication
step one

Be factual, not judgmental, about the issue. 

For example, rather than saying "You are so rude! You are always late", say "We were supposed to meet at 11:30, but now it is 11:50."

step two

Be accurate (do not judge or exaggerate). Describe the effects of this behavior.

For example, saying “Now our study time is wasted.” is much different that saying “Now we have less time to study because I still need to be at class by 1pm.”

step three

Use "I messages" and focus more on how you are feeling and how you are affected rather than the person's actions.

For example, rather than saying “You need to stop that!”, say “I would like it if you would stop that.”

step four

Put it all together with this formula: "when you [their behavior], I feel [your feelings]."

This formula provides a direct, non-attacking, more responsible way of letting people know how their behavior affects you.

For example: “When you raise your voice, I feel attacked.”

step five

List behavior, results and feelings. 

A more advanced variation of this formula includes the results of their behavior (in factual terms), and looks like this: “When you [their behavior], then [results of their behavior], and I feel [how you feel].”

For example: “When you arrive late, I have to wait, and I feel frustrated.”

tips

Use confident non-verbal communication: stand up straight, make eye contact, and relax.

Use a firm, but respectful pleasant tone.

Do not assume you know the other person’s motives.

When in a discussion, do not forget to listen and ask questions.

Look for a compromise or a way to meet the needs of both people.

Learn to accept what you cannot change. If the problem is beyond your control, try to let go of it.

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  • Home
  • Personal Wellbeing
    • Manage Your Time
    • Manage Your Stress
    • Manage Your Money
  • Academic Skills
    • Getting started as a U student
    • Take Better Notes
    • Boost Your Study Habits
    • Concentration and Memory
    • Capstone Senior Project
  • Test Taking
    • Test Like an Ace
    • Final Exam Prep
  • Quick Study Tips